I am sitting in bed tonight, feeling a little crummy and thinking about how I got here. No, not how I got in my physical bed but, how I got here.. this place in my life. How am I so young and married? How did I decide teaching was what I wanted to do? How did I get blessed with amazing friends that I met through the internet? -- Heck how did I end up meeting my HUSBAND on the internet?

 As I thought and pondered this, I decided it is time for me to share my story. The story of how I came to be me. A version of me that I never want to forget. A strong, confident and faithful me. 

 I have never talked about this before. I never wanted some of these people mentioned to get offended. That being said, the chances of them seeing this are pretty slim. So..  I am finally going to share an experience I had that I can undoubtedly say, changed my life. Now, I am not telling you this story so that you feel bad for me but, simply because I want you to know that I went through a trial. The trial didn't kill me but made me stronger. I am sharing this story to inspire you and to maybe just maybe give you the tiniest bit of hope during your hard time. 


I wrote this letter to a board at my school district. I missed quite a bit of school my Junior year and I needed to fill them in on what had happened. ( I left out some names, for privacy reasons.)

This is what I wrote..

"Mr. _______ told me to be honest. So here I am. I am going to be honest with you. My Junior year in High School was the hardest year of my education career. I know what you are thinking, “She’s just being dramatic” All I can say is, ask anyone close to me, they will tell you I was a completely different person last year.

I struggle with anxiety.

I always have.

Long story short..
Last year I got a boyfriend. Not just a “see you at school” boyfriend but a “meet the grandparents, come to family parties, secret keeper” boyfriend. It was real for me. I really liked this boy.
We dated for six months. He broke up with me.
Soon my friends started to pick sides. Girls that I had been friends with since Kindergarten decided a stupid/cute boy was better than a lifelong friend that they had in me.

I was alone. I had never felt so alone. One minute I had all of these friends and the next, people were staring at me in the halls, calling me crazy simply because I got a haircut after a breakup. I wasn’t invited to lunch anymore. I would walk out of ______, seeing people I had trusted with my biggest secrets and considered some of my best friends, totally pass me by. They didn’t care I was all alone. They didn’t care about me anymore and it completely shattered me.

There were times on a Friday night, I would get invited to hang out with some of these old friends. I would get all dressed, hair done and ready to go. Then I would get a call. A call saying “I am too tired tonight, I am just going to stay home” or “I forgot I already made plans with some people (AKA my ex and his *coughs* my friends) and I can’t bail” All lies. I would go find an empty parking lot and yell. I bawled my eyes out screaming. I didn’t understand why this was happening to me. I almost hurt myself that night.

With having anxiety and all of a sudden not feeling comfortable at all at_______ going to school became a huge challenge for me. I would walk in the halls, seeing faces that I used to care about so much, hurry and look the other way as soon as we made eye contact. My best friends of 12 years were gone. They didn’t care.
I never would of thought fifteen minutes of my Junior Prom would be spent sitting in the bathroom stall crying.
I ended up seeing a doctor. She understood what I was going through and how my anxiety made this situation a whole lot worse. I got put on a medication, and started seeing my doctor on a regular basis.

Overtime I learned more about my anxiety. I decided to share about this on my blog, kalliecooper.com. The response I have gotten from speaking out about my story has been incredible. I am helping people all over that struggle with anxiety feel normal.
This is one of my posts..

“I struggle with anxiety. It is something that has affected me almost my entire life. I wouldn't ever sleepover at someone else's house. I wouldn't run into the grocery store alone, while my mom waited in the car. I wouldn't do things I wanted to do because I was too anxious.

For the longest time, I thought it was normal. I thought I was a wimp. I would tell people I just got 'home sick.' Finally I started researching my feelings and found out that people really do struggle with anxiety. Over time, I have learned more about myself with the help of medicine and family. I have noticed a dramatic difference in how I act and feel. I want you to know that if you are struggling with anxiety, YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE. It is not a bad thing to get help. “


Okay so now to what I am really writing this about. Should I have missed that much school? No. But, you have to understand I have medical condition. A condition in which I couldn’t sit in a classroom in a building I did not feel comfortable or safe. I would call my mom sobbing in the bathroom, begging for her to let me go home. Whatever her answer, I would still get in my car and leave. I would find myself at parks, sitting on a swing set or at an LDS temple.

I am better now. I have learned from this trial. I have grown because of it.

Like I mentioned before, I started sharing my story. I can’t believe the lives it has touched.

I am not a bad kid. I just have Anxiety. I did not sluff to go to the mall or do whatever you think teenagers do.

Thanks for your time,

Kallie Cooper"


I can't put into words how hard that year was for me. I actually ended up loosing 30 lbs because of the stress and mental state I was in. I would put my headphones in while I walked in the hall and pass by so many faces that I used to consider my "sister" and just cry inside. I made it into a bathroom stall and I finally would let the tears come. I felt like an outcast. It was so hard. 
But... then I look back.. and I think "why did I start posting on Instagram and not just a picture of me and my date at the school dance but actually share personal things?" Oh yeah.. because I was going through a hard time and writing it out gave me hope. Telling other girls they could do it gave me hope. I got on a medicine that changed my life because of that experience. I found my confidence. (You can read more about the medication and how it changed my life, HERE)

I am who I am today because of the hell that I went through.

Now you know, what truly happened and why I really share what I share here.


I hope you know that you can do anything. You can get through anything. There is a god and he knows you. He knows whats in store for you and he knows your potential. This video gave me hope during the bad days, I hope you watch it. Click HERE to watch. 

I love you. I love that I can share this. I love that I get emails from young girls saying that I inspired them. I am so grateful that I can do this. If you ever need to talk.. I am here. 

Love, 
Kallie