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"I look so fat" -- My Self Confidence Story



In 7th grade I started growing. In 8th grade, I felt huge. I wasn't in a kid's body anymore. It was so hard for me. 
I wasn't used to having hips or thighs or even caring about those things.. and all of a sudden I did. 
I cared how my butt looked in those jeans. I cared what my stomach looked like when I bent over. 

I was insecure. 

As I was reading some of my old journals, I came across this entry I wrote in 2012..

"So today was the Advance Dance party. It was fine. I feel like an outcast? Is that weird? I probably sound weird? Haha. They were all so thin and wearing really short shorts. I felt like a fatso!! We did a game where u had do all these poses? I felt terrible.. Well at least it's over now.


                                                  Got to go watching pretty little liars!! Haha

                                                                              Bye bye,
                                                                                Kall"

I remember looking at other girl's bodies and being so jealous. Did they have perfect bodies? No. They just didn't have mine. 

I would put clothes on and think to myself how much cuter they would look on someone else's body. 

I felt ashamed in my body. I wanted anything but my own body. 

Every night I prayed to my father in heaven to help me with my self confidence the next day.

Over time I learned and grew. I started understanding why my body was different than the next girl's. 








I came across an LDS singing group, Mercy River's song called 'Beautiful For Me'
It gave me perspective and reminded me of my heavenly father's love for me. These are a few of my favorite lines.. 

Every girl young and old has to face her own reflection
Twirl around, stare it down
What’s the mirror gonna say
With some luck, you’ll measure up
But you might not hold a candle to the rest
“Is that your best?” says the mirror the mess
But there’s a whisper in the noise
Can you hear a little voice
and He says

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see, oh
‘Cuz everything about you is incredible
You should have seen me smile the day that I made you
Beautiful for me





It took time but I finally realize my divine nature and my individual worth.

Take it from me.. 

YOU are more than what you see in the mirror.
YOU are beautiful. 
YOU are unique. 
YOU are different than the next girl and, it's meant to be that way!

YOU are a daughter of god. 

A while ago, I wrote a letter to my middle school self. Feel free to read it. 

You can choose to have confidence. You are the one who decides if you love your self or not. You decide. No one else. 

I love you. 

Thanks for reading, 

Kal

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